I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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