Walk of Shame. In a state park.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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