I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
