the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
