you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
