OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You need a sexual gate keeper
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
