Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
