Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
