You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
