You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
as a side note pls kill me
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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