I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
