How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
