i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
