i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
