I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
