White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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