Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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