oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Someone shattered a urinal.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
