addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
