Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
