imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
