Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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