The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
