Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Sorry about my life...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
