paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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