Don't make out with my wife yet
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
