ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
