how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
