Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
how drunk are you?
Several
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
