I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
