God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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