i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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