Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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