Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
