smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
