A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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