but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
