I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
