Im at strip club and am horny
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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