how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
