That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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