omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I don't think brook has ever known best
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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