sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
