I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Too much gin, very little bucket
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
