Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
