What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
