Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
