I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
