I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Boobs speak an international language.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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