i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
