It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
